Chapter 4

The rest of the day at school was numbness and loneliness.

The thing about demons is that they are always there for you. They are like a drug- the once you get them, you know you need to stay away from them but you just don’t. You will once in a while be away, but you’ll soon be back with them, again and again. They make you feel insecure, but you also feel the safest curled up with them because you know, people come and go, demons are here to stay.

This is what has been happening to me. I don’t know why it began or how or where or when it began, but I don’t even care about it anymore. I just feel like sticking to my demons forever.

I know we all have come here for a purpose, there is a reason, a goal to be achieved for what we all exist, for each life, but I don’t seem to have one or find it if it’s there. Whenever I think, or try to, I end up concluding that neither am I doing any good to anything or anyone being alive nor does my life seem to go somewhere. Then kicks in the need for numbness.

There are many ways one thinks of to become numb under such circumstances- substance abuse, self-harm or the place where both the previous ones eventually lead to, the end.

I don’t know if I’m suicidal or not, but I want my life to come to an end. Many people confuse the both, being suicidal means to want to kill oneself and to want to die is to want your life to come to an end, yourself (being suicidal) or through something or someone else.

“Tring!” rang the doorbell, pulling me out of the train of thought which had gone far. I got up, checked the time, it was 7:55 p.m., and opened the door. Mumma was back from the office.

Vows

Vows are not only of weddings, vows are of love, eternal love – pure, magical and never ending…

Teenage love is unadulterated, magical and dreamy, at times complex, but beautiful… This is my version of vows for that one person we never forget.


In sickness or in health,

I promise to stand by you.

Poverty or wealth,

I promise to stand by you.


In good times or bad,

I promise to stand by you.

Happy or sad,

I promise to stand by you.

Though I may get mad,

I promise to stand by you.


At times, if me you need,

I promise to stand by you,

At times, if space you need,

I promise to give that too.

Till death do us part,

I promise to stand by you.

Chapter 3

Another day, sleepy morning, I couldn’t sleep before 4 last night.

I could hear ma scream my name, “Kaira!” I groaned in reply.

There are days when I start crying for almost everything, then there are days when no matter how much I’m suffocating to cry, not a single tear wells up in my eyes…..

Last night was a suffocating one, I wasn’t able to cry. Why is it so only few things last only long enough to make me smile?

I checked time, it was almost 7:30, my bus would arrive in half an hour. I rushed to get ready and had juice to make up for my skipped breakfast. I had to get things anyway.

I didn’t want to go to school today and see my friends give cards to some other birthday girl. I hadn’t received even one for mine.

The thought of it triggered sobs lumping I’m my throat. None escaped, yet. I couldn’t help going straight to the washroom after throwing my bag on the desk and let the sobs and tears explode.

I looked at my scars which had already become just marks. I would der what was I thinking when I took out the divider which had been in my pocket everywhere for a few days now. I took notice in turning those marks back to scars.

The homeroom was almost over when I got out, washed up and ran to my class just in time.e for the role-call. I made an excuse to the teacher and walked towards my seat. I quickly rolled down my sleeves to hide the scars.

Chapter 2

That day, the ride to school seemed longer than it ever had.

I walked to my classroom, dropped my bag on the chair.

My birthday and some other days were the only ones I could think that I have some worth. Not even my birthday that year…

With a super enthusiastic mood, I had planned my little celebration and called everyone. My hope got crushed as if it had come under a road-roller when all of my friends were busy studying for upcoming annual tests or had plans, literally all!

Just when I was in the middle of my sulking, ouch! I bumped into my desk. I sat up and started burying into my textbooks.

I did nothing that day. Didn’t talk to anyone in school.

Worse than having my little birthday celebration cancelled was to see the same people I invited celebrating other people’s birthdays and spamming Snapchat and Instagram stories with the photos and videos.

My birthday was definately farther from exams than ant of the others’ birthdays.

I wished if someone could see it all, feel what I was feeling and help me.

This was chapter 2. Incase you haven’t read chapter 1, here it is:-

https://loveforartandyou.wordpress.com/2017/03/13/chapter-1/?preview=true

Chapter 1

I could not see clearly (like any other morning), but there was an addition to my regular morning blur, I woke up to a headache so bad that I felt like ripping my head off.

I looked at my left wrist. The scars I had carved last night looked faded. They had to. I had used a divider from my geometry box. The skin around them was still a little swollen, but it seemed like time had sucked up some of the swelling during the course of my sleepless heavy night.

My pillow cover was still soaked and so was my t-shirt.

I could not make myself to move any further to start another day but I had no choice.

I walked towards the washroom sink and splashed as much water on my face as I could. I brushed my teeth and after a minute break, walked to the kitchen to get my cereal.

Something didn’t feel right. It was like my insides were gone. I felt empty, yet heavy.

I got ready to catch my school bus. The bus came late. I sat alone, sulking against the window.

Heartbreak

She lay in her bed

Thinking where destiny has lead,

Her soul, now scattered

And heart, now shattered.

There was fire in her eyes

Extinguished while she cries…

She missed him like raging waves,

He, who looked for bright in caves.

If only he could see,

The beauty she could be…

He wanted to swim

And she was the sea.

Still she lies in her bed,

While he lies in her head.

A Glimpse of Past – A Harry Potter Fanfiction

04122016649.jpgDear Folks

I’m a big fan of J.K. Rowling’s wizarding world, be it Ilvermorny or Hogwarts. So is my dear friend Chahna Ahuja, who has her own blog, the link is given below.

https://ecstaticmirage.wordpress.com/

It was her Birthday yesterday so I wrote her Harry Potter Fanfiction and I would like to share it with you. Hope you like it.

The noise came from behind him. An essence of agony had filled the air; Harry still thought something is not right. It is probably a dream – he said to himself, the room felt too dark for a summer morning.

He felt a slight jolt; soft hands touched his face, pulled back an eyelid, crept beneath his shirt, down to his chest and felt his heart. He could see a vision of Narcissa Malfoy bent over him, shielding his face with her long hair from any onlookers behind, He knew what was going to happen next. Narcissa Malfoy would ask him, “Is Draco alive? Is he in the Castle?”

He heard instead a soothingly familiar, but different voice, it was Ginny, “Morning love.” He whispered, “Happy birthday.”

He realised that he really was dreaming. It was his birthday. He opened his eyes and put his glasses on to see Ginny, Albus, James and Lily standing right in front of his bed. His family had got him a picture painted of him, Ginny, Hermoine, Ron, Neville and Luna.

He could hear more footsteps outside.

He got up and hugged them. He opened the door and went to the living room where he saw Ron and Hermoine, Rose, Hugo, Victoire, Teddy Lupin, Luna, Neville, Mr and Mrs Weasley, George and Hagrid.

The glimpse from the Battle of Hogwarts had made Harry jump unnoticeably at the sight of George without Fred which he had now seen for years.

Mrs Weasley had baked him a fruit cake. It had candles on it bewitched to sing “Happy birthday” until Harry blew them. There was butterbeer and pumpkin juice on the table. Harry could already see James and Al running upto the table to help themselves with some pumpkin juice. Everybody had got their mugs of butterbeer now. Teddy and Victoire were having theirs a little farther from the crowd.

Harry cut the cake. It had been quite long since all of them had gathered.

The children were going to start with Chocolate Frogs, Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, Cauldron Cakes, Sugar Quills and Molly Weasley’s Fruit Cake when all of their sweets flew from their hands back to the kitchen. Hugo knew who it was, he sighed, “Mom!” Hermoine chuckled, “You’ve had enough sweets for a day now, Rose, dear, why don’t you come and help me and aunt Ginny with dishes?” Lily excitedly added, “I too will help.”

Just then Hermoine saw Harry and Ron signalling her to follow them. She excused herself from Ginny and girls and followed them into Harry’s room. Harry there told them about his dream, but he had prepared himself for Hermoine’s reaction so he told her that the scar didn’t hurt.

Surprisingly, Hermoine just said, “Oh Harry. You’re just going back in time and thinking about sad times, they eventually led to the good ones we’re living in today, didn’t they?” Ron and Harry agreed to her, but Harry was still a little confused.

Something New

Out of my chest

My heart is beating,

I can feel it against me,

How hard it’s hitting.

 

Through my body

My blood is rushing,

I can feel the heat

In my cheeks blushing.

 

One more step, I fear,

I’ll trip, I’ll fall.

I feel so tiny,

Yet too tall!

 

Why to fear?

It is what I desire,

Or is it really?

Will me it tire?

 

But I’ll try for once

Whether known or not,

At least I won’t regret

If it is what I sought.

Dark Friendships

We all might have come across people, we became friends with, but now the term ‘friend’ doesn’t seem very right to be associated with them, these are called toxic friends, or dark ‘friends’ as I call them.

You can identify one very easily, they are quite typical to say, but different. They manipulate you, they may abuse you, talk rubbish about you, some convince you to take the blame for something they did, how? They ask you to “play your role as a friend”. Sounds bad, huh? I know.

If you feel distressed around someone, it’s bad. If they talk rubbish to you about others, they may say the same about you to others on your back. As it comes to the blame-passing ‘friends’, you can play your role by leading your friend to the correct path, not by taking their blame, which somehow encourages them to do it to you again and again! Get over it.

Getting over a friend might be difficult, you will even regret your decision, but you don’t need to, you did this for you own better, they must be happy about it if they are friends. Delete there any contacts from your life forever, block them from your social media. They will of course want to have a last word, all you have to do is keep calm and be strong. Yelling will just make you look like missing them and you wanting them back, being calm will make you the better person, tell them why you did so. Don’t let them manipulate you, they may do this by acting like a ‘wounded puppy’ or by telling you wrong things you’ve done.

Some days later, you’ll realise that you have saved yourself from a very dark creature, you can compare them and their friendship like a dementor and a dementor’s kiss. They were doing it to you, slower than a real dementor though. I know, for I’ve had this twice before. It will give you pain to let go of a friend, you may think they might have changed, but if you go back to them, they might be nice at first, they will only take a few days to come back to their older selves.

 

A Diary

We all may have good friends we share a lot of stuff with, we all may have parents we share a lot of stuff with, you agree or not there are things you feel you can tell no one, that’s why you need a diary.

Writing a diary is one of the healthiest habits for your inner soul, or I think so. Writing a diary might be boring, and maintaining one can be even more boring, but you need to make an effort. I would like to share some awesome tips with everyone about keeping a diary and also why you should.

  1. A study has shown keeping a diary helps your brain to open up, after you write down stuff in your mind in detail, if you read it, you might be able to understand it better.
  2. Personalize your diary. The more is your diary like you, the better it will make you feel and adding to it what you like sounds fun.
  3. Instead of thinking of your diary as a diary, think of it as you or a friend you may have imagined. Write your entries as if you are talking to yourself or an imaginary friend.
  4. Make it a habit to write an entry every once or twice a day, at least. Don’t worry if you have not been able to write in it for a long time, write in as soon as you can and update your friend with your life.
  5. Keep it with you everywhere. I feel you should write a diary whenever you can, no matter what, where or when, if you feel an urge to write in, do it.
  6. Add mementos into in whenever you can. It is not necessary for every entry. For example- you go for a walk in nature, collect a flower or leaf from there to remind you of it whenever you read. Add movie tickets and stuff to it.
  7. Read your older entries every once in a while.

Hope, you get why you should write a diary and value it. It will help you understand yourself better. Make sure you keep it a secret.